Abuse is a choice made by one person to control and oppress another.

Understanding Abuse

Abuse does not have to be physical for it to be abusive. Emotional abuse can often be just as extreme as physical violence and sometimes the hardest to heal from because the effects are largely unseen. Lack of physical violence does not mean the abuser is any less harmful to the victim, nor does it mean the victim is any less trapped by the abuse. Below are examples of different types of abuse. The one element they all share is a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one person against another.  

Abusers can be anyone - a spouse, teacher, family member, boss, coach or even friend. Abuse is not bound by age, economic status, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion or nationality. Teaching women the signs of an abusive relationship is a priority for us. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. It may not be easy to identify abuse at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time.

The only way to break the cycle of abuse is to take action. Because abuse is more about control than anger, often the victim is the only one who sees the dark side of the perpetrator. Consequently, victims often feel no one would believe them if they told people about their abuse. If you are experiencing abuse, start by telling someone. For immediate help, call the National Domestic Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. It can be really hard to admit you’re in an abusive relationship, but help is available.

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Physical Abuse

Perhaps the most recognized form is physical abuse. Behaviors include:

  • Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking

  • Burning

  • Strangulation

  • Being held captive

  • Damaging personal property

  • Refusing medical care and/or controlling medication

 
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Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse occurs when a person seeks to control another by:

  • Continuous criticism

  • Name calling, insulting, mocking

  • Shaming, humiliating or embarrassing

  • Rejection of thoughts, ideas and opinions

  • Extreme jealousy of family and friends

  • Blaming

  • Intimidation

  • Isolation

  • Gaslighting

  • Accusations of cheating

  • Controlling where a person can go or what they can do

  • Telling a person they are a bad parent or threatening to hurt or take away their children

 
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Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse ravages the soul, causing unimaginable damage. Sexual abuse is not about sex. It is about power and includes any sexual behavior performed without a person’s consent. Examples include:

  • Hurting a person physically during sex

  • Forcing a person to have sex with other people

  • Pressuring a person to have sex when they don’t want to

  • Pursuing sexual activity when a person is not fully conscious or too afraid to say no

 
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Technological & Cyber Abuse

Technological and cyber abuse includes the use of technology to control and/or stalk a person. It can happen to people of all ages, but it is more common among teenagers who use technology and social media to interact in a manner often unmonitored by adults. Examples include:

  • Demanding to know a person’s passwords

  • Hacking into a person’s email or personal accounts

  • Impersonating a person’s online identity or creating fake social media accounts in order to harm another’s reputation or relationships

  • The gathering of photos, videos or personal information to be used online for the purpose of threatening, humiliating or harassing another

  • Monitoring interactions via social media for tracking purposes

  • Using spyware or tracking devices in a person’s cell phone or computer to monitor their location, phone calls or messages

 
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Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a survivor trapped in an abusive relationship as it diminishes their ability to be independent and remain safe after leaving an abuser. Any behavior that maintains power and control over finances constitutes financial abuse. Examples include:

  • Damaging a person’s credit score

  • Hiding or refusing access to financial information

  • Controlling financial accounts and effectively putting a person on an allowance

  • Harassing a person at their workplace

  • Inflicting physical harm or injury that would prevent a person from attending work

  • Causing a person to lose their job through direct or indirect means